The What If's...

A person can be driven mad by thinking of the what if's in life. Everyday there is a what if... what if i ate an apple and toast for breakfast instead of chocolate chip pancakes with powdered sugar on top? heheh well i know that I would not have had a stomach ache afterwards, but it sure was tasty! I mean sure something as simple as breakfast doesn't have enough of an impact to drive a person mad, unless they are on a diet and regret it all day long. Even then though it is not that maddening, however what about those instances or those people or that choice you made... all those kind of things wind you through life, if one was different... your whole life could be different.

For me it's people, not so much choices i've made, because I think with people come choices, each person has a path to take you on, and it's your choice to go or not...

Here's my conundrum: After we make a decision do we just accept it and forget, NO, at least I don't... I ponder and ponder and have a personal qualm until i get so distracted that i forget i even made the choice... YES... wait, there's more...So put simply, we make a choice, wonder if we made the right one, then forget about it...UNTIL...something randomly pops up out of nowhere and reminds you of the decision you made.

The worst part of making choices is knowing that you'll never know what could have been... yea know, like you meet a person, you click, you talk for a while without seeing each other then just fall out of touch... at first you don't realize it happened, then you randomly say... huh, i wonder how so and so is... then you go ahead and wonder... what if we didn't lose touch? Ding Ding Ding, there it is... the WHAT IF... it may be a month before the what if, or it may be a year, or heck maybe even four or ten, the time doesn't matter. Are the what if's in life meant to drive us nuts or tell us something... like a lesson, because obviously a what if still has a presence in life so it must matter... somethings, life breakfast obviously don't but school choices, career paths and love lives definately hinge on the what if's at some point. For the most part we all just let the what if slide out of our minds and that's fine, all is well and happy, i still have to wonder though... WHAT IF. I wonder what if on everything and imagine every scenario, the problem is I can imagine anything, just close my eyes and dream it up...but if someone told me to dream up where i'd be today five years ago... ha i would have never guessed! I'm sooo happy but it's nothing i imagined, i sometimes still try to figure out how i got here doing what i do, being who i'm with, learning and living what and where i am... its crazy and they all mesh together and it was the otherside of the what if's that got me here!

I love the craziness in life but when the what if's pop up i often find myself imagining life in other ways, not that i'd pursuit them like some whim but just pondering...Writing this i realized another what if... What if I weren't happy? then i'd have all my other what if's to go back and chose the other (to some extent) crazy huh, the sam what if's that drive me nuts may some day set me free!!!

I thought of all this because of two things. Last night I was sitting in front of a fire on a beach in Canada, drinking out of my nalgene (just water), eating a hamburger paired with a hot dog and potato salad, hearing the gentle tide roll in and seeing the pink sky reflecting in the water, surrounded by people I never knew before that night... and it was spectacular.

It was almost like this ironic things because earlier yesterday I randomly heard from a friend from Canada and is not in the states for a while, then don't you know it, my boyfriend and i get a call from his friend offering a ride up to canada for a BBQ. We had no idea where, or what, or when we'd get home, but we just hopped on the motorcycle and went, turns out we met amazingly generous and kind hearted people who were friends of a friends friend (did you get that) and had a monday night i never would have imagined... what if we said no, that 7 was too late to hop on the bike, and that we'd just stay home??? frankly I don't know, maybe we'd of won the lottery or were inspired to do something even greater? It doesn't matter, I was happy, he was happy, everyone was happy... it was spectacular. On the same note, what if we got there and it was horrible, what if something happened, well... they very well could of, but they didn't, we took a risk we normally don't make on a monday night because of early work schedules, but we did it...ahhhhh, part of if was the beauty of the outdoors, again reinvigorating....

I challenge everyone reading to do something, take risk (within reason of course), and do something you'd normally not do, who knows it may set you on a happier path of life???

Namaste until another day : )