From the Beginning...

It seems that people often forget how to live. I have forgotten how to live. Not in the means on breathing and functioning. I am by no means depressed. The live I speak of is one of freedom.

When I was little I stayed inside, all day, everyday. I hated getting dirty. I wore my white dress with pink accent ribbons or my light pink jumper my grandma had made for me with white doll shoes and hot pink hair ribbon... I was a girly little munchkin.

As I grew older the confines of my living room watching Cinderella were no longer satisfying, I moved on to the Little Mermaid and, as odd as it may sound, I watched Ariel go on exciting adventures, ones Cinderella never got to go on, and I realized... I am no Cinderella, Prince Charming is not just going to bring me my slipper from the one day I left the house hehe. I realized (yes at the age of 12, yes I still watched Disney) that I wanted to make my own story, and create my own adventures... and maybe i would save my Prince Charming.

Already at the age of 12 I had insight that made me who I am. One day I remember going over to my best friends house (she was a major Tom Boy, always outside playing in the mud, in the woods and pretending to be a TMNT, while I played April and sat on a clean chair waiting to be saved, and occasionally getting into some trouble, hhe. How we got along... I don't know). So I'm at my best friends house and I suggest we go out and run barefoot in the creek. WHAT! THIS HAVE NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE! "You mean you don't want to play pollypockets and sit inside!" she ranted. I truly didn't. I wanted to LIVE.

Have you ever walked barefoot in a creek, or ran through corn fields, climbed a tree so high you could see over any roof tops and into the horizon? To me these things had become my life. I made a huge turn from a comfortable life... movies, snacks, playing mom, and being rescued by my tom boy friends, to living a life I never PERCEIVED as being my REALITY.

Here's the CONUNDRUM. I became this girly adventure girl who wanted to go out and explore the woods to see what I could find and let my feet dangle in a creek before squishing the mud from the bottom between my toes. I was not used to it, but had this urge to do all. I joined sports and became a leader in athletics, school, drama, you name it, I was there and showing everyone up. From 12 to 20 I had the world at my feet, but right before I squished my toes in the mud... the mud squished me.

The world is not what it used to be. What once was butterflies and rainbows is now textbooks and work schedules. Where is MY LIFE! This conundrum is not only mine to solve but all other college students or professionals who feel that life has become a job and not a freedom. My green ways are still inside but my eco-adventure chic is getting pushed aside for a degree and money... qualms with which I have both.

My point: easy, as life continues we get stuck in a ebb and that ebb sticks us with challenges to face until we move back into the flow of ourselves. When our reality is our perception our conundrum ends. My green conundrum has just begun... where is my free wild soul I lost a little more than a year ago?

Namaste till another day