Conundrums of Getting Older

If you noticed a minor slow down with blog entries, you are completely correct. The past two weeks and completely changed my whole life. I have yet to decide if I like the changes or not. It is never easy to make a change, but I am normally good at it, so long as it's one at a time. I like to adjust to one thing before moving on to another drastic change. The last two weeks have really tested me. So I am at the conundrum: am I still "me?"

Lots of little things like: stock market, gun (home defense that's all nothing crazy), realizing many of my views are republican but I am in love with the environment... so confusing. I really do not identify with any political party because when it comes to money I am republican, yet I still want to help out others...but only those who deserve it and realllly need it, Barack is not the man of good change and giving my views on aid, and the environment you'd like i'd love him, I DON'T!!! Although republican is tooooo rigid for me, to selfish. Anyway, I changed up my job from one that allotted lots time for homework and a fair amount of time off for one that pays double or triple the amount in the same time, but weekends will never be the same... how can I be my naturalist self when i have no time to explore??? I am very nervous.

Part of me feels I sold out. Like I mentioned in a prior post. I hate money, but I know I need it : ( Life runs on it. I want to be able to afford a time where I can enjoy life fully; weekends off, hiking, and adventure trips, house near the water, with lots of land... All these things are just things I know, but they are things that make me feel happy, content and make me a better person which allows me to give more to everyone else. When I'm not so happy, I hate to admit, I'm lazy and less cheery (which is still cheery but not kim cheery). So I'm at this conundrum, do I put my hippie, adventure self on pause for a year or so to get realllly grounded financially? Or do I say forget it and go into debt but love life while during it????

Life changes are crazy... maybe I can perceive this as great moves for the future of a fantastic reality of all I desire!!!!